What Would Shakespeare Think?

I’ve had several conversations lately (both in-person and virtually) where William Shakespeare has come up. This has me thinking a lot about Shakespeare and – in the strange way my mind works – I’ve been wondering what it would be like if he was a freshman attending my high school.

Come on, think about it; the man made up new words. Can you imagine him sitting in a freshman English class?

Now Billy, I’ve told you over and over again that you just can’t make up new words. You’ll never get a proficient on the CSAP if you keep doing that.

And let’s not forget that he often wrote about subjects that would be “inappropriate” in a school setting.

Mr. and Mrs. Shakespeare, we’ve asked you to come in today because William appears to have an unhealthy fascination with violence, particularly betrayal and violent death. Is there anything you’d like to share with us?

And I’ve got to think that young Will would be a blogger, and a podcaster, and a very active participant in World of Warcraft and Second Life.

William, for the last time, turn off that machine and get started on that five-paragraph essay that’s due tomorrow. Stop wasting your time on those "stories" – you’re never going to get a decent job at this rate.

Now, once my brain goes off on a tangent like this, it’s kind of hard to stop. So, of course, then I thought about Einstein sitting in one of our science classes.

Yo, Al, enough with the "Everything is relative" stuff. Let me tell you a little something about that. If you don’t start turning in your homework on time, you have a relatively slim chance of passing this class.

Or maybe Thomas Jefferson sitting in a social studies class.

T.J., get real. All men are created equal. Democracy. Representative Government. What utter nonsense. Let me share with you our school’s philosophy known as the Divine Right of Teachers . . .

Or Isaac Newton in math class.

Isaac, give it up. Your assignment was #1-31 odd, what’s this Calculus drivel?

Mozart in music class? Picasso in art class? Actually, come to think of it, I think music and art teachers might actually do pretty well with those students, maybe we can learn a lot from those folks.

As I think about the changes I believe we need in education, I go from wildly optimistic to terribly discouraged. Sometimes in the span of about 15 minutes (yes, I’m seeking therapy). As several others have also noted recently, I’m really beginning to wonder about the feasibility of incremental change, the viability of school as we know it. My worry is that we are not just dangerously irrelevant, but perhaps irretrievably irrelevant. And I say this despite the fact that I work at a school that is thinking very hard about all these changes, with a staff that is very thoughtful, very caring, very committed. But I just don’t know if it’s enough.

This is probably just a result of my “winter of discontent,” and I'll be better in the morning. But as we approach the ides of March, I can’t help but wonder what a young William Shakespeare (circa 2007) would think as he rolled out of bed and realized it was a school day. Would he be excited - or terribly depressed?


Image Citation: Child, Shakespeare, and car, originally uploaded by George Goodman.

Thou hast most traitorously corrupted the youth of the realm in erecting a grammar school. (King Henry VI)